| Conscious Parenting
originally appeared on a website from the Ancient
Days of the Web. This article was written by an evolving parent - a single mom, with lifelong interest in philosophy, and training in psychology and behavioral therapy - in response to the many questions she received from other parents. Conscious Parenting surprised everyone involved with its immediate popularity: the author began receiving requests to use it in child-raising workshops worldwide. The article was reprinted in several formats, from paper newsletters to usegroups -- and even became a part of a University thesis on Parenting. In response to popular request, the original article has been more fully developed into an e-book, available here at Digital Goddess. |
Conscious Parenting is divided into three sections:
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| Imagine a world where accidental
pregnancy was not possible. Instead, two thoughtful
people would have to go through a series of steps in
order to create a child. Perhaps both egg and sperm
production would be, in this fantasy world, somehow
linked to the development of parenting skills.
Traits such as the ability to love, share empathy
and compassion,along with a certain amount of reasoning
skills would trigger fertility. (remember, this is a
fantasy!) But not all people would wish to become
parents, so perhaps in order to achieve actual
pregnancy, a conscious decision would still be
required -- perhaps a specific diet or sexual
position -- in order to conceive a child. Thus,
all children born would have been expressly
desired. The children would certainly be fewer! Overpopulation would cease to be a concern. Environmental degradation would no longer be an issue. These fewer and most precious of children would be educated by their parents, or groups of parents, who would never trust such an important responsibility to some anonymous caregivers or faceless bureaucracy. Imagine then, that the entire culture treasured these children, seeing them as precious jewels to be nurtured into wonderful, intelligent, healthy creative adults. This culture would encourage individuality instead of conformity, because parenting would be seen as an honor instead of a duty. |
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Have you ever stopped to question why
children are generally dysfunctional? Each child is
emotionally healthy at birth. Newborn babies do not
fear the dark, or dogs, or imagine monsters lurking
outside. Newborns cry when something hurts, like a
hungry stomach or wet diapers against tender skin.
They do not scheme to be annoying, act out in weird
behavior to gain attention, or have nervous habits.
What happens? Human babies are like fantastically equipped learning machines. From the moment they are born, they are imprinting, observing, adapting, and imitating. They quickly learn facial expressions, tones of voice, and words. Their learning skills will never be as awesome as they are in the first few years of life. Young children process vast amounts of information each day in order to successfully master necessary body skills, at least one language, and complex social behaviors. Psychologists have long insisted that our reactive personality is formed by the age of 5. This means that the person (or persons) most involved with your child has tremendous impact upon it’s developing emotional skills -- for better or worse. So the primary caregivers must look to themselves for the answers to their child’s neurosis -- and that’s exactly what it is. Your child was born with the ability to become a perfectly healthy adult. Here is where we parents sometimes excuse their responsibility by saying, "but my kid was born like that!" or even worse, "but it's human nature!" Yes, your child was born with specific personality traits, such as being outgoing or introspective. But 'naturally outgoing' does not mean naturally obnoxious - and 'naturally introspective' does not equal painfully withdrawn! The way in which these natural traits manifest themselves depends largely upon your behavior. Lest we fall into the popular trap of blame, it is obvious that many of your own basic neurosis were also learned behaviors. Your parents’ behavior influenced you, and their parents influenced them ad infinitum. We humans have been passing down wonderful skills and abilities, as well as neurotic behavior, for millennia. Until now, our species simply hasn't been conscious enough to choose the positive behaviors and lose the negative ones. |
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Today we are fortunate to be able to
address these issues. Just take a look at the Internet
or your local bookstore. You’ll see scores of "self help"
resources; the varying methods of psychology, hypnosis,
metaphysical work, intellectual development and cultural
change are everywhere we turn. There is a virtual
plethora of websites, books, videos, workshops, radio
and television shows, all addressing one theme: changing our behavior. As a society, we have realized the problem, and as
individuals many of us are addressing these problems.
Such opportunities and resources were simply unavailable
in previous generations. We're so lucky -- yet self awareness is a lifelong journey. None of us are "finished"...but what a fun and glorious adventure to share with our kids! Part
One: Love and Empathy... |
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